Sammie Pinkerton

Today was Columbia City Farmer's Market day.

But it was more than that.

It was Columbia City Farmer's Market day with Suzannah! Oh yeah!

And guess what?

We bought a whole salmon! A beautiful, adorable, big, fresh salmon. His name is Sammie Pinkerton. Sammie, obviously, because he is a salmon. And Pinkerton, well, because he's a pink salmon. I've wanted to buy a whole salmon in Seattle since I moved here two years ago. And today was the day!














Oh Sammie, you are beautiful. And so delicious.

I also got:

- kale
- peaches
- sweet red pepper gouda (are you kidding me?! Yum.)

Wow. I am pretty happy right now.

Lately I've been all about all things restorative. Monday I took a much needed hike in Larabee State Park, close to Bellingham. I felt like I needed to drive, drive, drive. So I did. Then I hiked. Hiked, hiked, hiked. And then I sat on a bench, overlooking the San Juan islands, reading Anne Lamott. I had this consuming sense of peace, the kind I feel like I only read about in books on prayer or discipline. I was on a mountain, so I'm guessing that helped my perspective.

Then I got to play with Bethany. Always restorative.

Then I drove home. More good alone time. Plus good tunes.

I want to take care of myself well. Sometimes I don't know how to do this. Or I do, and am too busy listening to other voices, trying to please everyone, etc. to give myself needed space. When I was on the mountain the other day, I realized how difficult it is for me to settle down, sometimes. I kept wanting to move around, get up, check my e-mail (sick). I wasn't upset that I felt restless; I more just noticed. So I let myself be a little panicky, and then I eventually became comfortable with the quiet and could be still. I guess it makes sense that this takes time. But it does make me sad that it's more difficult to be in a state of rest than it is to be moving around always.

Ok. I'm tired and signing off. So much for ending gracefully. Ha! This one's for you, Sammie Sam!

Friday night

I drove home last night from a lovely dinner with Farmor (my grandma). I like to take the long way home sometimes, when I feel particularly not excited to go home, feel like listening to music in the car, or want to avoid the lights and noise of busier streets. Shuffle played an excellent compilation last night--which is always a plus. Sometimes it's like Shuffle knows me. Like, knows me knows me. Creepy.

Maybe it was the end of a long week. Maybe my period is on its way. Who knows. But I could not stop crying. This is not something extremely unusual. But last night, my tears were overwhelming me because there were too many things making my heart break. I hate it when I get sad about really big problems, or the human condition (which is a really big problem), or all the meanness in the world. I got sad about these things:

- people hurting each other
- people being selfish
- all the people who are lonely
- when people can't listen
- people who don't love themselves
- people who try to control others

I can't write it all, because I don't remember some of it. Or I just don't want to be sad all over again, today, on a beautiful Saturday.

So I will remember dinner with Farmor. And how she makes me laugh. And how she bought me the cutest little plaid dress for my Birthday. And how, whenever I go over to see her, she always has little "projects" for me, like typing up recipes or emails or putting the pictures in her computer into a folder. These things make me happy.

Old Friends

Ok. Transition. I've had enough of you.

But I hear you're around for good. I remember in college when a professor said, "Life is a series of one transition after another." I thought to myself, "That's what life is? Get me outta here! Shit!"

And the thing is, you're really not that bad. I mean, I learn from you. You are a little pesky at first, and then it turns out you're not so bad.

So...I guess we can try to be friends, after all.

Your best friend is Change, I think, with whom I am also not on the best of terms.

Lately I am confused about you, Transition and Change. I think my relationship with you is changing. Because, lately, I have been wanting some change. Kara always says we need both stability and change to survive. When she says it, I think to myself, "No, I only need stability." But Kara is right. Damn.

I am a lover of routine. I like things orderly.

And, ok, I will learn to accept that I want a little shake-it-up-like-a-snow-globe every once in awhile.

But not too much at once, you two!