Fall

Ok, I'm feeling slightly back to normal.

Meaning: I cooked myself dinner tonight, and tomorrow night: card making! Liv is back.

I haven't been feeling like doing either of these things lately, which is strange, considering I LOVE both! Summer seemed to have disrupted my schedule, rhythm, desires, etc. Either it was too hot to cook or make cards, or I wanted to play outside, or I was just plain tuckered out (Papa, did I get this phrase from you???).

Today feels like Fall. We've had soup in the bakery the last couple days (pumpkin!). It's cooler out (I was wearing my teddy bear of a jacket today around the house...). There's not so much damn daylight all the time. And I am happy to say that I want to cook again.

So tonight, because I had zucchini dominating our fridge, I decided to see if my favorite cooking blogger, Joy the Baker, had zucchini recipes. Yup! Zucchini pancakes! Oh my. The eating is still in progress. I added some of my own ingredients, too, and they are delicious. She's good.

And I still have a GIANT bowl of shredded zucchini. Tomorrow--zucchini sweet potato bread. Watch out.

I realized in the last couple days that I feel weighed down when I have a to-do list in the back of my mind. I think being an adult is so ridiculous and energy consuming. And half the time I feel like I'm faking adulthood, anyway. For example, I've had our old TV on the porch for the last few/several months. It's tacky. We're like one of those nice houses you walk by and whisper, "such a beautiful house...why do they leave their shit on the front porch?" To make it better, I fished out this incredibly beautiful red chair out of the dumpster at work because it's missing legs and I decided to make our front porch its new home. Right. I like to give myself projects and not do them. How simple is it to put my TV in the car and drive down to Goodwill? I'm not an advocate for negative self-talk, but come on, Liv. Also, this chair, I'm telling you, is beautiful. Today I told my boss I wanted to make it into a rocking chair. She said I can't because I don't have babies. I'll show her.

So my other project tonight: take old TV to Goodwill. I'll let 'cha know how it goes.

Oh fall, I love you.

Known and be known

Lately I've been thinking about known-ness. Being known. Knowing. Feeling known. Wanting to be known. Not being known.

I feel like I'm on a roller-coaster of known-ness. Some days I feel known and so thankful to be known. Other days I feel like an island or as if I am unknowable (I think, is this because I am an "I"?). After all, isn't it one of the greatest feelings to know one is known?

I hate to feel unknown!

And I love to feel known. And loved. I knew a guy who said what we all want most is to be known and loved. He said it so often that I thought, "blah blah blah"...and I am realizing how true this is, at least in my own life. It is when I am known and loved that I feel most alive. And here's the thing, too, is that I am known and loved whether I feel this on a particular day. Yet I like to feel it. That's important, right?

I think I'm having a pre-fall slump. I am low on inspiration, energy and general feelings of loving my life. I want to love my life again!

Like always, Sophia Bazzi makes things better. Tonight I went over to babysit and she was like a little actress. We played "The Storm" from "The Little Mermaid" on the ipod, and she gave me a play-by-play of what was happening during the musical sequence. It was amazing. I think she's the cutest thing in the world. Her sister Hannah's a close second, maybe. Holding her is one of my top five favorite things right now.

Tomorrow I am going to make a pizza. I haven't made a pizza in far too long and my hands need to.

My 2nd Liv

Today here's what happened:

I met another Liv. This was the 2nd time I've met another woman named Liv. Both times, I have been giggly and ridiculous and so excited. I feel like there are these common bonds around shared names. Maybe it's just mine? I'll ask my friends. I instantly wanted to be Liv's friend. She seemed so sweet and fun and I cannot tell you how fun it was to say "Hi Liv!" and "Bye Liv!" and "Nice to meet you Liv!" I think I used her name too many times because I thought it was so fun to say. I felt like I was talking to myself or something.

What is it about names, anyway? They are so powerful. Do we grow into our names? Or are our parents just really good at looking at us when we're hours old, saying, "yes, she's definitely a ____". One day this pregnant woman came into the bakery, put her hands on her baby belly and said, "She feels like a Lorelai." Wow. That's just something else.

I love names. I love saying people's names. I love it when I can remember someone's name. Or they remember my name. I love nicknames.

Also, today I played with Sophia and Hannah. Sophia is so big now. She's 2 and a half. I started babysitting her when she was 6 months. Now Hannah's in the world, too, and she may just be the cutest baby I have ever seen. Except when she cries. When she's about to cry, she scrunches her face up and it's the weirdest face I've ever seen. It's like she's morphing into some monster or something. I swear. BUT, when she's not doing this, or crying, she's adorable. I will put her in my pocket.

Today Soph and I drew cupcakes with crayons (she got the biggest cupcake, proclaiming, "because I'm a big girl!"...what does that make me?), made cookies with play-doh, and mastered a few puzzles. In case I haven't shown you the video of Soph singing to me on my Birthday, here it is (prepare yourselves for a cute attack).

http://picasaweb.google.com/sophiabazzi/LivBirthday?authkey=Gv1sRgCMeV1oHsreb7cg#

I'll end with that. :) Night night.